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Behold, Doctorrrr! The new, fat, Daaalek race!!

Oh no, No, NO!!!!! 

I knew it was going too well, I just knew it.

Steven Moffat, what have you done?

How can you give us the brilliance of “Blink”, a wonderful new Doctor, a fantastic new Companion in Amy, and then so totally, totally, frak things up with the new Dalek design?!?!? What the **** were you thinking?!?!?!?!?!?

The previous Dalek design, the Russel T Davies era design, was, I think, absolutely brilliant. Look at it…

Now, that’s a killing machine. That’s hard. That means business. It’s made of cold, lifeless, clangy metal. It’s a death-dealing, civilisation-butchering tank of a thing. It’s nasty looking. It’s sphincter-tighteningly eeevil. It clearly rolls over injured kittens without a second thought.

But this new one, this… great, padded, sherbet-coloured abomination… it’s  a hideous, hideous thing…

Look at that. Just look at it. It’s fat, and bloated and looks… soft. It’s a padded dalek. A soft toy dalek. And it’s fat. It looks like it’s half marshmallow and half plastic.

And it’s fat.

As someone put it so brilliantly on a message board I stumbled across:

“Who ate all the Thals? Who ate all the Thals? You, fat dalek! You, fat dalek! You ate all the Thals!”

Someone, anyone, please tell me we’re not stuck with this horrible thing now? Someone, anyone please tell me that this is just some bizarre timey wimey, wibbly wobbly perversion that will be banished once the good Doctor flashes his sonic screwdriver at the vortex and Puts Things Right Again.

Sigh.

No, that’s not going to happen, is it? A lot of money has been spent on this new creation. They’ll flog it for all it’s worth.

Why? Why break something that wasn’t broken? Why mess with something that didn’t need messing with?

Well, obviously new ‘showrunner’ Steven Moffat is keen to stamp his own identity on the new look series, that’s understandable. Russell T Davies’ shadow is long, and dark, and Moffat has been in it for a long time. But I reckon there’s a different reason behind this Dalek makeover. And no, it’s not an “homage” to the daleks of years gone by, it’s not Moffat’s latest nod to the classic era of Who, it’s this…

£ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £

The BBC have obviously decided that the Daleks weren’t marketable enough, weren’t commeercial enough, the way they were, so they’ve done the same thing to them that they do to everything in their kid-friendly TV series: made the characters different bright colours to make them more individual, and more appealing as ****** soft toys.

Behold, Doctor, the Teletubby Daleks! We will invade your toy shops! We will blind you with our bright colour schemes! We will make you a ridiculous amount of money!

I’m all for change, things shouldn’t stand still,e specially in Dr Who. I mean… main character, regeration and all that. Genius. And the new Cybermen. mean-looking. The new Sontarans: much improved. But the new, fat, Ikea range dalek… it’s just a bad, bad design. It doesn’t work.

This works…

No, no, not Amy’s short skirt and cowboy boots look… though that does work, brilliantly… 🙂 I mean the dalek. You look at that and just know it wants to kitchen sink plunger you to death and go on its way. The new dalek is just… just… awful.

Steven, listen… you don’t have to undo everything Russell did. Stamp your own mark on the series, sure, but don’t just change things for the sake of it. What’s next? Badly-painted orange polystyrene Zygons so stiff they look like they’ve bathed in botox?

Maybe Mr Moffat is actually a secret Star Trek fan, and he decided that what was missing from Who was a ranking colour scheme, like Starfleet has for its starship crews? If that’s the case, then are the red daleks, like the one on the end here, destined to be killed in the first moments of each new episode, like the unfortunate but legendary “red shirt” ensigns in Star Trek..?

( And while we’re at it, for the love of god, please, BBC, will you turn the ********* music down!!! It literally drowns out the dialogue in places. )

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16 Responses

  1. I have been TERRIFIED of Daleks all my life.This cartoon version is not even funny !!!! Please get back on track.Everything else is going so well,even with out David Tennant.

  2. Love the humour …

  3. I have to disagree, maybe its my impartial and unbiased viewpoint (The 2005 series is as much Doctor Who as I know of, and maybe less than 20 episodes total at that), but I think you’re making a mountain of a molehill. Personally I’ve always thought the Daleks were fairly ridiculous in the first place.

  4. I haven’t seen the new series yet – soon… soon… – but my first thought in looking at your pics was “Daleks have become The Wiggles” !?

  5. Hello,
    Me again.

    They certainly missed a trick with that soldier dalek. A large puttee around it’s base and a tommy tin helmet up top would have rounded it off.

    I agree with Cumbrian Sky about the new style daleks. Ruined! Daleks are evil and should look evil, not like tarts on the pull on a saturday night. The comparison I like to make is the difference between the Messerschmidt 109 and the Spitfire – one looks like a totally evil fighting machine, the other is beautiful.

    Just my 2 pees worth.

    Cheers,
    Fatty

  6. I completely agree with the author of this blog. The ‘new’ dalek just does not cut it. The mid-section which the sucker and the gun is connected – looks like a computer game console, or ATM machine, or even a overgrown floppy disk drive unit. And the ‘neck’ part of the new dalek looks like CV boots. And the back of the dalek extends to far backwards – making it look hunch-backed, or out of proportion. The eye sometimes looked like it had a sticker attached to it. Plus the plastic look sometimes makes the dalek look like LEGO – toylike. The new dalek does not look classy at all, nor does it look menacing. The old dalek looks almost perfect – except for bottom-most part (below the hemi-sphere balls). The part BELOW those hemisphere balls looks like the base of a steam iron. But in any case, the shape of the old dalek was brilliantly created. The new dalek is essentially a flop. Two out of ten rating from me.

    • It’s not a flop, you just can’t stand the change. You’re opinion doesn’t matter either because Moffat sticking with this no matter what a bunch of close-minded fans say. The author of this blog is wrong. You’re wrong. It’s not bad, you just don’t like the change. Grow up and live with it.

  7. I should also add that the new dalek looks like a mobile cordless drill charger (I mentioned this on another blog too).

  8. luv the blog. also i would like to point out that the last dalek style was close to prefection, but the new ones look pregnant with enlarged tits with erect nipples.not a good look

  9. Totally agree. The new Daleks are ridiculous. After all the work that went into establishing that the Daleks are scary as hell — the episode “Dalek” succeeded brilliantly at that task — now they want to make the Daleks into goofy-looking, colorful toys, about as frightening as a gumball machine? Really??

    I hope this is something that can be re-thought and reversed, *soon*. The Daleks are wonderful villains — they shouldn’t be ruined. And I agree with you — everything else has been going so well. Even the new theme song doesn’t get on my nerves anymore. But then they had to go and wreck the Daleks. I hope TPTB can step back on this one and re-think things.

  10. I love the new Dalek designs. Took me a bit to warm to them, but now I want to see them in action. Stop being resistant to change and live with them. They’re retro Daleks.

    • no they’re not they’re shit

    • First, this perceived idea that the designs are somehow ‘retro’ is just not true. I imagine this is in reference to their bright movie-style colours, but if so, but if so, there’s an important difference in that the movie Daleks used a metallic finish and generally lacked the moulded plasticy feel of the new ones. In design terms, the Davies Daleks were far more ‘retro’ in their realisation, with movie inspired head lamps and fender, and a respectful maintaining of the overall proportions that have worked so well for so many years.

      The argument about new Dalek critics being ‘resistant to change’ is also a nonsense. Why assume that because people are offering reasoned criticism of one particular design they are arguing against any change? I for one would love to see an intelligent new take on the Dalek design, but I think the one we have fails on so many levels.

      The new Daleks are about as retro as a bad ’90’s restyled economy car. If that’s your idea of retro, then fine. Enough folk seem to disagree to have inspired Moffatt to reintroduce the earlier designs for their next outing, and to relegate the new ones to some sort of ruling caste. Seems like we may not have to ‘live with them’ after all.

    • It’s got nothing to do with being resistant to change you idiot. Doctor Who has always been about change. It’s what we love most about the show. If you bothered to read the blog article you would remember the part where he said “…And the new Cybermen. mean-looking. The new Sontarans: much improved.” Change is great, but these Daleks are just bad design. They’ve lost all their menace. They’ve lost the metallic armour plated machine-ness to them. Now they just look like the toys you get from a kids McHappy Meal. By all means, redesign away. The Dalek have been constantly changed over the 50 years of Doctor Who. It’s not that we don’t like change, we just don’t like this specific design.

      “They’re retro Daleks.”

      Now I know you’re full of it. Retro? The Cushing era Daleks were coloured, but they looked nothing like these Daleks. In fact, many of the Cushing movie Daleks were repainted and used in the TV series. If Moffit made his new Daleks look like the Cushing Daleks, I’d be as happy as a pig in poo.

  11. I do like the new daleks, but i would like to see them better, i do miss the old version, if were gona make them look different, bring back some of the classic stuff to top it up, like a grey colour, that would make them look like soldiers more or less. and if we are gona stay with the multi coloured daleks, atleast make them look dirty, but I must say, the bigger the scaryer!!!

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