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Oi! Doctor!

Dear Doctor…

That big blue box of yours – you know, the one with the flashing light on the top? That’s bigger on the inside than the outside? It’s a TARDIS! It can travel in Time AND Space! It can take you and Amy anywhere in the universe – the universe! – that you want! Absolutely anywhere! You told her at the start of your adventures together…

“So… All of time and space, everything that ever happened, or ever will, where do you want to start?”

Now, I’m no mind reader, but I’m pretty ***** sure she didn’t imagine going back to Earth every **** week! All those stars and planets out there, all those alien civilisations, all those amazing places, and you keep dragging the poor girl back to Earth – not just to Earth, but to England, or Wales, and usually to some boring little town or village in England or Wales. That poor, poor girl! Those impossibly-long, slim, cowboy-booted legs of hers deserve to be striding across alien landscapes, kicking alien baddies in their lunchboxes and leaping over alien canyons… not trudging around another yawn-inducing cemetery or down another country lane.

Will you please, PLEASE twiddle some knobs and throw some levers and take the TARDIS, and Amy, somewhere amazing Out There! Leave Earth to get along on its own for a while!

Oh, and while you’re at it, please, pleeeeeeeeeeease dump Rory. He’s a wet, moaning, wimpy waste of Time and Space. We all know he’s only there as an Everyman figure, to make you look all alien and decisive and masterful – no offence – and very few of us are convinced by the whole him and Amy thing anyway. Send him back to Earth – or rop one of those new fat-arsed Daleks on him and squash him – and take Amy somewhere amazing, somewhere fantastic.

Somewhere that doesn’t look like Wales.

Thank you 🙂